20 of the Wildest Things Witnessed by Assistants to Rich People

8 Basic Products That Were Once Sold As Revolutionary

35 Nearly-Domesticated, Expertly-Wrangled Bits of Trivia About Your Favorite Animal Actors

45 Random Bits of Trivia That’ll Finally Complete That Work-in-Progress Brain of Yours

41 Random Bits of Trivia That’ll Make You Seem Like the Authority on the Subject Until An Inevitable Follow-Up Question Is Asked

33 Startling Celebrity Side Projects

Sometimes you need to unwind — with an entire second career

33 Startling Celebrity Side Projects

April 03, 2024

These famous, handsome, rich folks can’t be acting 24/7. Every once in a while, they need to kick back and relax — by embarking on an insane vanity project or writing a wildly successful children's book.

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

33

Bob Dylan

RENALDO & CLARA is a four hour movie created by Bob Dylan that has footage of his concerts, interviews of various singers, and vignettes based on lyrics from his songs It was pulled from theaters when critics called it incoherent, impenetrable, self-indulgent, and... virtually unwatchable. CRACKED.COM — Source

32

Kevin Spacey sang and danced to get investors for Beyond the Sea. Не wrote, directed and starred in it because his mom loved Bobby Darin. Audiences, however, did not share his passion, and the movie bombed at the box office, making less than a third of its $25 million budget. CRACKED.COM — Source

31

Sir Patrick Stewart's lifelong dream was to play Othello, Shakespeare's famously dark-skinned lead. And in 1997, he did. Не played a white Othello in an all-black cast. The director called it a photo-negative version of the story. Stewart continues to insist that actors should be free to play roles that differ from their own ethnicity or gender. CRACKED.COM — Source

30

Terry Gilliam started working on The Man who killed Don Quixote in 1989. It took him 29 years to finish. Delays included legal disputes, natural disasters and the deaths of two lead actors. It earned less at the U.S. box office than Lost In La Mancha, a documentary about Gilliam's troubled first production. CRACKED.COM — Source

29

Francis Ford Coppola's 1982 musical film One From The Heart was backed by the director's own money because he wanted to focus on what he wanted to say instead of becoming Hollywood's hired gun. The film brought six years of financial troubles to Coppola. Не likened the film to a kamikaze attack. CRACKED.COM — Source

28

Morrissey

In 2015, Morrissey wrote a novel about a 1970s relay team that gets embroiled in black magic. The novel, List of the Lost, has phrases like bulbous salutation (meaning erection), lush houses of beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland, and Whoever put the pain in painting had also put the fun in funeral. Book reviewers and Morrissey fans both hated it. CRACKED.COM — Source

27

Shaq Fu, the 1994 video game featuring Shaquille O'Neal, was a huge failure. SHADFU . In 2014, O'Neal launched an Indiegogo campaign, asking for $450,000 to make Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn. The game came out in 2018 and also flopped, with a Metacritic score of 36. CLEVELAND 33 CRACKED.COM — Source

26

Metallica

Metallica were excited to make an album with Lou Reed. They blamed fans when it sucked. Lulu debuted to pitiful sales, selling only 13,000 copies in its first week. James Hetfield later called the fans who criticized the effort fearful people who are probably typing from their mom's basement that they still live in. CRACKED.COM — Source

25

Sylvester Stallone

Sylvester Stallone's '40s-era Rocky rehash Paradise Alley was based on his memories of growing up in Hell's Kitchen. Stallone wrote, directed, and starred in it, and even sang the theme song (badly). So when it tanked at the box office, he took it as a personal blow. CRACKED.COM — Source

24

In 1984, Paul McCartney wrote the screenplay for and played himself in Give My Regards to Broad Street. Somehow, he has zero charisma, and manages to make being a rock star look dull and plodding. Also, there's a rehashed plot, flat characters, and many pointless dream sequences. It bombed hard, critically and financially. Why did McCartney make it? Because being the star of his own movie was his childhood dream. CRACKED.COM — Source

23

Will Smith came up with After Earth as a parenting metaphor. In the movie, a sci-fi soldier (Will Smith) guides his son (his real-life son Jaden) through a post-apocalyptic landscape. For Will Smith, it was really about him helping Jaden navigate show business. The movie got an 11% Rotten Tomatoes score and six Golden Raspberry nominations (the Smiths won an acting Razzie each, and another one as the Worst Screen Combo). CRACKED.COM — Source

22

Heidi Montag

CRACKED COM ie TV ds Heidi Montag spent nearly $2 million of her own money on her first album, titled Superficial. The album, which she and her husband produced themselves, took three years to make. Despite boasts that it was comparable to Michael HETDI Jackson's Thriller in terms MONTAS of sound and quality, SUPERACIAL Superficial was met with poor sales and bad reviews. Au — Source

21

16% ALEXANDER was the legendary Oliver Stone's dream project, but was reviled by critics and moviegoers alike. Не was so committed to the flop that there are three versions of the movie out there, because he couldn't live with the failure and kept trying new edits. CRACKED.COM — Source

20

Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson worked passionately for two decades to make the movie The Professor and the Madman. It was a box office disaster which didn't even recoup a third of its budget. It also only got 38% on Rotten Tomatoes. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

CRACKED.COM VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS. This film was already on Luc Besson's mind during the filming of The Fifth Element It was torn (1997). 20 years later, apart by critics Besson put $180 and flopped so million of his own hard it struggled to money into the making break even. of the film. — Source

18

George Lucas' 2015 flop Strange Magic was one of his biggest passion projects. It's an animated musical with a story built around lyrics from Lucas' favorite songs (those songs are about 70% of the movie). His goal was to make another Star Wars, but for girls, and he worked on the movie on and off for 15 years. It had the worst opening of any animated film, ever, and got 17% on Rotten Tomatoes. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

Bill Murray wanted to do a serious film. It flopped. Murray and director John Byrum spent 18 months writing a film adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham's The Razor's Edge. The movie, about a traumatized WW1 veteran, would be his first starring dramatic role. The movie was panned by critics, with Murray later admitting, I kind of deluded myself that there would be a lot of interest. I made a big mistake. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

Children's books written by celebrities ACTOR AND COMEDIAN KEVIN HART MARCUS MAKES A MOVIE ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID COOPER Marcus Makes a Movie by Kevin Hart The comedian tells a middle-school appropriate story about a kid who hates being in after-school film class, until he realizes he can make a movie about a superhero he created. (No word on whether Dwayne Johnson shows up to upstage Marcus.) CRACKED.COM — Source

15

Children's books written by celebrities The Bench by Meghan Markle The The Duchess of Sussex wrote a BENCH poem from the perspective of Medhas The Duches of Supur a mother speaking to the father of her son, exploring that special relationship. Christian Rebinson CRACKED.COM — Source

14

Lupita Nyong'o

Children's books written by celebrities LUPITA NYONG'O Sulive AT New North BY VASHTI HARRISON Sulwe by Lupita Nyong'o The award-winning actor tells the tale of a shooting star that helps a little girl love herself and see herself as beautiful, teaching children to see their outer and inner beauty regardless of skin color. CRACKED.COM — Source

13

Children's books written by celebrities The Book With No Pictures B.J. Novak The Book With No Pictures by B.J. Novak The actor and writer from The Office pulls a twist on the usual children's book by offering no pictures, to illustrate (wordplay!) how the written word can create enough fun on its own. CRACKED.COM — Source

12

Children's books written by celebrities Today I Feel Silly & Other MOODS That Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis illustrated b Laura Cornell Today I Feel Silly & Other Moods That Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis Curtis' book is written to help children recognize, celebrate, and manage their various feelings and moods that can shift throughout each day. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Children's books written by celebrities LIL NAS X С is for COUNTRY by Theodore Toulor II С is four Country by Lil Nas X The rapper teaches kids the alphabet in different ways such as A is for Adventure, В is for Boots, and F is for feathers. And fringe. And fake fur. CRACKED.COM — Source

10

Children's books written by celebrities DOLLY PARTON COAT OF MANY COLORS illustrated by Brooke Boynton-Hughes Coat of Many Colors by Dolly Parton Using lyrics from her hit song of the same name, Parton tells a story of a young girl who gets from her mom a winter coat made up with rags. While the girl is mocked for being poor, she celebrates the coat since it was made lovingly in every stitch. Excuse us, we gotta go cry and call our moms now. CRACKED.COM — Source

9

Children's books written by celebrities CHANNING TATUM The One and Only Sparkella 40 - DED KIM BARNES The One and Only Sparkella by Channing Tatum This story is about the relationship between a creative little girl and her dad, reflecting Tatum's relationship with his daughter. CRACKED.COM — Source

8

Children's books written by celebrities 41 NEW YORK TIMES Brother YOUR BABY'S FIRST WORD WILL BE DADA JIMMY FALLON моо Your Baby's First Word Will Be DADA by Jimmy Fallon The Tonight Show host regales us with a tale about the secret campaign that all fathers go on to get their child's first word to be Dada. Yeah, it's lighthearted, but it still feels like Mama erasure. CRACKED.COM — Source

7

Children's books written by celebrities LEBRON JAMES I PROMISE by NINA MATA New You I Promise by LeBron James The basketball superstar wrote a book asking kids to make promises to themselves today that could lead to success when they grow up, such as staying in school, trying their best in everything, and making a better Space Jam. CRACKED.COM — Source

6

Children's books written by celebrities Please please.baby Complete Spike Lee 8 Tonya Lewis Lee by Please, Medir Melson Baby, Please Kids of - K Date by Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee The filmmaker and his wife teamed up to tell a story about the silly and occasionally frustrating trials of raising a baby. The title is a quote from Lee's She's Gotta Have It, a story that is definitely not for kids. CRACKED.COM — Source

5

Kristi Yamaguchi

Children's books written by celebrities THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Dream Big, Dream BiG Little Pig! Little Pig! by Kristi Yamaguchi KRISTI YAMAGUCHI ILLUSTRATED BY TIM BOWERS The ice skating star wrote a kid's book about a pig that wants to be (what else?) an ice skating star. Write what you know, folks. CRACKED.COM — Source

4

Children's books written by celebrities Seth Meyers TEL I'm Not Scared, YOU'RE Scared! pictures by Rob SayeghJr. I'm Not Scared, YOU'RE Scared! by Seth Meyers The talk show host wrote a story about an anxiety-ridden bear who has to overcome his fears so they don't rule over his life. (No word of a sequel book with the Charmin Bears to discuss toilet training dread.) CRACKED.COM — Source

3

Children's books written by celebrities Natalie Periman's EARLES The Tortoise The Three Country Mouse and the Hare Little Pigs and City Mouse Natalie Portman's Fables by Natalie Portman Portman does her own take on the classic stories of The Tortoise and the Hare, The Three Little Pigs, and Country Mouse and City Mouse, because no one stopped her. CRACKED.COM — Source

2

Kristen Bell

Children's books written by celebrities #1 New York DestraCion KRISTEN BELL & BENJAMIN HART The World Needs More PURPLE PEOPLE ILLUSTRATIONS in DANIEL WISEMEN The World Needs More Purple People by Kristen Bell and Benjamin Hart The Good Place star teamed up with Hart to tell a story about purple people who ask really good questions to encourage a child's curiosity, ability to relate to others, and outright silliness. (Why the people have to be the color purple isn't really explained.) CRACKED.COM — Source

1

Children's books written by celebrities Freckleface Strawberry Julianne Moore Illustrated by LeUyen Pham Freckleface Strawberry by Julianne Moore Inspired by her childhood, Moore has a series of books about a freckled redhead that goes on adventures while learning to love who she is and how she's built. (While Freckleface Strawberry is a bit on the nose for a name, it's at least more creative than Ginger.) CRACKED.COM — Source

Tags:

Visual

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

Movies & TV

Quinta Brunson Admits to Rob McElhenney That She Pirated ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ in College

Movies & TV

Michael Richards Was ‘Embarrassed’ By Kramer’s Name Reveal

Movies & TV

Josh Gad Had to Explain the Last 40 Years of ‘Star Wars’ to Mel Brooks Before Pitching ‘Spaceballs 2’

Movies & TV

12 Random Bits of Pop-Culture Trivia to Jump-Start Your Clunker

Science & History

40 Astonishing Scientific Findings That You Don’t Have to Be A Complete Nerd to Appreciate

Comedy

These Are the Best Burns Nikki Glaser Cut from Her Golden Globes Monologue

VIRAL ON CRACKED

1

Famous Performances That Were Plan B (Or Plan Z)

2

The Bonkers Way Human Torch Changed Marvel's WWII (Comic) History

3

13 Ridiculous Excuses Celebs Used To Get Out Of Stuff

4

6 True Stories From History Creepier Than Any Horror Movie

5

40 Astonishing Scientific Findings That You Don’t Have to Be A Complete Nerd to Appreciate