36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, January 22, 2024

He has a crush on the Sandman
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, January 22, 2024

Looks like Goofy got the last hyuck hyuck. Ron DeSantis officially suspended his abysmal bid for the Republican presidential nomination yesterday. The Florida governor, who will now be most famous for his ill-advised attempt to take on Walt Disney and his alleged use of lifts, took to Twitter to make the announcement with a video complete with a fake quote misattributed to Winston Churchill and an official endorsement of Donald Trump, the man who gleefully tore DeSantis (and his lifts) apart on the campaign trail. The end of the DeSantis campaign leaves Trump and former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley as the primary’s final combatants in a race that’s feeling more and more like an episode of Veep.

Speaking of TV shows, over at MTV, the writers of the series keeping the lights on at the network are ready to strike. Despite producing 336 episodes a year, Ridiculousness scribes find it rather ridiculous that they’re “currently compensated at a rate well below (their) peers” and are preparing to fight for a contract that fairly reflects the work they put in to bringing the long-running clip show to life. They’ve attempted to meet with host and co-creator Rob Dyrdek for assistance, but to no avail.

Thankfully, just as the news of the week is ramping up, hilarious tweets are flooding onto the timeline. Today’s funniest ones include those about a baby’s first intrusive thoughts, a case of the Titan Cronus and two men having an Eddie Murphy off.

rin + + @rinnystarr.1d ... rin + + @rinnystarr 1d how exactly did they expect us to use this emoji 25 2,405 34.6K 1.6M
sophia @pastoralcomical. 15h for a while whenever my bf refused to wake up i accused him of being gay for the sandman. so now when i shake him in the mornings sometimes he just mutters im not gay 18 2,656 52.3K del 1.4M
ibaf @sporadicallysad- 1d ... oh god why did i hit send Dead Sir, 172 5,995 84.3K del 1.9M
lan @imgrandsure.9h ... being an adult means that every few days you must spend £30. even if you don't think you need something, the universe will manifest something for you to spend £30 on. all must pay 143 9,271 87K 2.8M
MS. PARKER @MafiosoRo.1 1d : i i miss when u could touch a tv and feel its fur 263 13K 148K 3.5M
big cp @theBKbelle. 12h this is aggressive bad bitching in 2024, so you know this was blowing their minds 60 years ago. muse | virtual stylist @musesblueprint - 16h shirley maclaine in what a way to go (1964) 67 14K 152K 4.4M
All That Steven Allows @StevenWallaby 1d ... This is worded so funnily because I didn't know the name of his movie and thought Soderbergh was just scaring the shit out of people at Sundance while just sitting around V Variety @Variety • 2d Steven Soderbergh's 'Presence' Was So Intense That Some Sundance Viewers Walked Out: 'I Cannot Take This Stress' variety.com/2024/film/news... 17 1K 11K 564K
1984's George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS 23h Dutch is so beautiful English Dutch hell yeah brother X hel ja broer G Feedback 3 71 1.9K 102K
JewaLipa @Jewa_Lipa 22h ... Top 5 Naturals: 1. Big Naturals 2. Natural Light 3. Smithsonian Museum of Natural History 4. The Natural (1984) 5. Natural Born Killaz by Dr. Dre UFD 9 38 902 72K
maybe: clare (travis' version) (10 minute vers... 21h ... Imagine being Cody Ko's child and realizing that your legal last name is Kolodziejzyk and you're gonna have to learn how to spell that in Kindergarten 3 61 1.9K 79K
Aaron Butts @grlbossgatekeep 16h Modern day Better Call Saul #FreePalestine Jay @Parzival_jay . 17h Sucks watching the show and knowing how everything's gonna go A Night Under STAR t learn CROS 20 570 10K 303K
Despachico @_CHICO.23h ... They be making these with the pussy part of the apple SAFETY BUTTON POPS EST PASTE OF SINCE 1000 US a Martinellis - GOLD MEDAL - markets.com NFL OZ Apple Juice UNION 256mL) FROM U.S. GROWN FRESH APPLES 11 205 1K del 61K
horse dentist @equine_dentist - 5h mondays DON'T TALK TO ME UNTIL I'VE HAD MY SON 4 254 2.9K 76K
Anne Thériault @anne_theriault-18h ... hi, pope expert here! this is NOT funny, popes only do this when they're in extreme distress The Cork Соури @CorkCoypu 1d The Pope is just back from the vet 296 7K 107K 3.8M
livi @notlivibabyy 16h ... this is how I expect him to react when I show him my boobs 2 AFCD C CCSS NFL 201 9 1.8K 130K
creole coochie @_gemini_moon - 19h ... Please 6:15 POV: It's 10 pm and you have a 3 year old-who will come up with anything to delay going to sleep 851 comments X View 6 replies Muse Studios My daughter will close her eyes for 5 seconds and then open them and say she had a bad dream. No babe - that's just negative thoughts go to sleep 3d Reply 20.7K View 33 replies 5 161 3.4K 65K
Olivia Julianna @0liviajulianna 22h ... are This is what DeSantis sees when he closes his eyes at night EGUIDO 25 541 6.3K 152K
gwen! @GwenShmoople - 1d ... gwenny @gwen2ple My boomer boss makes me text him everytime I close but it just looks like I text him every time im in chastity Mon, Jan 8 at 10:58PM All locked up Yesterday 9:14 PM Just locked up + Text Message 684 10 13K 244K
Jasmine @JasmineLWatkins 16h I feel you. I be cryin at a different set of bills, but I feel you. Kimberley А. Martin @ByKimberleyA 16h Bro was going THRU IT ... Pain. 3CBS INFL AFC DIV FC NAL 83 9.5K 81K del 5M
austin @jesuissupreme 22h ... Nikki Haley (delusional) on hearing the news about Ron DeSantis (whispering) Um, I'm gonna be president. 19 733 16K del 623K
Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad d . 21h Scooby Doo ass sandwich Taylor DesOrmeau @TDesOrmeau 22h No matter what happens the rest of the Lions game, the most impressive thing l'll see today might be this sandwich 233 16 10 LIOTO 7 500 15K 896K
Danny Pellegrino @DannyPellegrino 22h She would've grown into an incredible Real Housewife. 28 668 6.1K 215K
I wanna sing Bobby v. to you @Meatfighterr.15h ... This look like a Fighting video game stage Cait @CaitCamelia.23h Going here at 3 am and finding God DUNKIN' POPEYES Deli Checkers DONUTS CRAZY COOO FOOD LOUISIANA KIT Checkers the 854 Obocken one ALL DAY REFRESHIN 9.8K 3.5M 347 94K
Tunde в @callmereefer . 1 16h everybody can't go @no_cut_card 16h so .......... tayl*r sw*ft coming to baltimore next weekend 7 310 2.9K 233K
jack @hiyajackk 8h I feel there could have been a better way for management to diarise my annual leave WW Wednesday Search Calendar (Ctrl+E) 2°F 47°F/43°F days x FRI JACK OFF today 1 JACK Start: 01/03/2024 00:00 End: 02/03/2024 00:00 Reminder: 18 hours 308 7.1K 104K 3.4M
Nik @_NikSpace 1d I cannot stress this enough but after a long day at work & coming home to this I would easily become the Green Goblin jen @bread_posting.2d this is actually deranged 2 Mixing noodles 17 573 7.5K 378K
Sam Rothstein TM @black_virginian 1d ... Y'all both look like two different eras of Eddie Murphy Tre? @TreGripper.3d Saw one of my best friends from college...why does this look like our engagement pic? 756 15K 159K 6.9M
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi 21h They have these at gas stations too NO CONTEXT HUMANS @HumansNoCo... 1d Zoo has hole, so you can hold otters paws C 17 74 1.6K 84K
Riley Collins @rileycollins_ .22h 15 year old me when one of my boys pulled up in salmon shorts, a vineyard vines polo and sperrys with white Nike socks + 42.7K ... 604 this outfit is pure fire 868 this outfit is pure fire 3796 80 Campbell Puckett 299 10 8.2K 509K
The Sarcasm is Strong with This One @paynu... 19h ... I think it's corny too but I wouldn't use gay as pejorative north @north0fnorth - 1d they're doing a gay wedding at the chicago rat hole C x 0:20 7 101 3.2K 118K
scotty @plathiandc . 23h ... ron desantis making a 4 minute video just to endorse trump Hey, everybody. PatheticGir143 here, coming to you live Omar Jimenez @OmarJimenez.2 23h Ron DeSantis announces he's suspending his campaign 4:32 683 13 16K 833K
bigsock @biggersocks. 23h ... he took the midnight train going anywhere 103 10.1K 104K du 2.6M
im bonnibel @bonnibloop_.20h ... uhhh guys all seeing eye (left) and all seeing eye (right) liked your post sure hope im not being watched 95 8,430 126K 2.6M
i like food @messedupfoods.6h ... You ever have a cereal bar Yeah when I was like 12? How the fuck do they work 24 325 7,634 149K
Adam @adamgreattweet-1 1d i have a number of serious questions At the Busytown supermarket Harry, the butcher, cuts up meat for his customers. 429 1,409 14.6K 713K
teryn @youngtiddy·1 1d one time when i worked at the dispensary a guy with a fresh stab wound still dripping blood came in and bought a pre-roll 50 427 9,386 316K


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