34 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, January 18, 2024

Did we need to know about the rhombus?
34 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, January 18, 2024

It’s Richard Simmons time. The larger-than-life fitness personality is hitting the big screen at Sundance with Pauly Shore donning Simmons’ famous rhinestone tank top in a new short film. Shore teamed up with producer Mark Wolper and Jake Lewis, the director behind the haunting Robin Williams impersonation that went viral three years ago, for the film, which centers on an appearance the fitness guru made on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. While Simmons himself wasn’t involved in the production as he’s trying to “live a quiet life and be peaceful,” Shore hopes that Simmons will see that it “looks good” and “feels good” and hop on board in an advisory position as they move toward adapting the short into a full-length feature.

Over on the idiot box, there’s less to celebrate given the bevy of cancellations today. Just days after Max nixed Our Flag Means Death, the streamer decided to pull the plug on Issa Rae’s Rap Sh!t as well. The dramedy, which is certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, may be able to catch on at a different network, but as we saw with Minx’s move to Starz, a new home isn’t necessarily a stable one. Meanwhile, Schmigadoon! co-creator Cinco Paul took to Twitter to share that a new season of the show (and 25 new songs) were ready to go but will ultimately remain unseen (and unheard) since Apple is closing the curtains on the Broadway parody. 

If you’re mourning the loss of your favorite show, we’ve got a fresh batch of hilarious tweets that might lift your spirits. Today’s funniest ones include those about a creative résumé gap, a humble request from a former Speaker of the House and the physical strain of “hopping on a call.”

cam @largemotorcycle 19h ... asking me if i i have time to hop on a call is the Same thing as punching me in the head 1000000000 times 8 2,391 21.5K 611K
Mitya @Discollaborator• 21h ... I'm not banned from Olive Garden. They asked me not to come back, and I have been gracious enough to indulge them. It's called noblesse oblige. They still know who calls the shots here. 2 219 2,330 du 61.2K
Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJ.... 23h ... when i was in elementary school we learned about a shape called a rhombus & that was the last time i ever heard about that shape ever again 110 2,018 19.8K 482K
Zach Raffio @zachraffio 23h ... Taco Bell makes you poop oh I'm sorry. I forgot about all those restaurants serving food that never turns into poop. 17 446 8,206 du 218K
stephen @biscuittts .22h ... You gonna fuck me good ? I'll try 42 3,120 29.2K del 1M
Michael Kandel @K_A_N_D_E_L.22h ... can you explain the gap on your resume that's draw space. you can kind of do whatever you want there 9 634 10.5K 232K
mia @rasputinboneym 1d ... One time I hooked up W this French guy and he was telling me how he had cheated on his last girlfriend and he phrased the fact that he cheated like. This Other Girl Wanted Me And She Succeeded In Having Me. And I think about that so often bc that is so violently French 6 136 3,660 del 111K
a @aallleeexxxxxx1-21h i have been abusing benadryl 28 999 14.3K 420K
pacience @fendiflikks . 2 21h told my grandma the time of my graduation & date & this what she said..... bruh.... НА НА ? Thank you. I will be there as long as I'm alive. Reply Add Sticker 642 7,805 217K 3.4M
Paige Moskowitz @paigemosk... 15h ... my roommate and I have started texting each other like democratic fundraising messaging 8:57 5GW 62 Instagram 197 Naava Ellenberg> Washington, DC Delivered Paige - it's Nancy Pelosi and I'm asking for your help. When Naava takes out the trash, I NEED you to replace the bag. Otherwise, we're letting MAGA win!! Can I count on your support? Naava Ellenberg 164 3,518 56.2K 1.2M
josé @dotjjpg - 4 4h ... good morning ... 4 miles away Ads help keep Grindr free i WANT MORE ATTENTION? Boost Now Today I'm not interested in swifties, sorry. I know you didn't message or tap me, I just wanted to let you know preemptively. 3:03 PM Double Tap to Like 31 352 3.8K 108K
GEPR stoned cold fox @roastmalone_. 1d ... being a glasses wearer is so humiliating. Why are my lenses fogging up when I open the oven like I'm some kind of cartoon character 96 14K 92K 1.9M
5hahem aka Dr. Durag @shaTIRED.1 19h foot fetish twitter finna eat these fanties up faith @faiththegemini i id They done made feet panties 54 635 7.2K 352K
katie @katefeetie 1d if I were a british cop I would say wots all this then so freaking much 82 5K 54K 1.2M
yukan @biggouncee. 23h im Never sending a dick pic again Nice Meat Twin Fye 22 717 10K del 244K
carter hambley @carterhambley - 1 1d ... hinge is awesome if u want to see a bunch of sentences like i go crazy for amazing food 165 2.8K 49K 1.8M
no doubt @selontheweb 1d what the hell did i do let's get a little silly with it Today 9:53 PM You look like a person who holds a lot of sadness X 75 6.2K 86K 2.1M
bri love @mclovenxoxo . 2 22h ... she's a 10 but she says hell yeah brother in a hulk hogan voice 702 10K 56K 3.2M
Chicago Urbanist @chi_urbanist. 14h I should get a job at the Italian consulate 500 N Michigan Ave, Chicago, IL 60611 Floor 10 The Shops at North Bridge Closed Wednesday 9 AM-Noon Thursday 9 AM-Noon Friday 9 AM-Noon Saturday Closed Sunday Closed 9 AM-Noon Monday Tuesday 9 AM-Noon 19 262 9.8K 291K
Wendell @RhodeToLove 19h save me hbo limited series about middle aged woman 3 429 3.7K 126K
@StoneColdCiggs . i 7h Bergian Snalecel Together we can rule this city Spiderman........ metaphor man @shitbiscuit - 11h Bottle of Jägermeister keeps whispering into my ear like the green goblin mask every time I open the freezer 71 5.6K 57K 1.6M
Aaron Serna @AaronSerna 20h talk to your family. make a plan. be safe POP Pop Crave CRAVE @PopCrave.2 20h 'Cats' is now streaming on Netflix. YOU WILL В E L EVE CATS 61 672 34K 1
tegs @00heartstrings 1d me listening to my friends 3 min long voice notes 858 22K 187K 3.9M
Shannon @smilum77.5h Think about what it's like to be this dude's cousin right now. Washington Post TikTok Dad @davejorgens.... 7h When I say anyone can win Survivor with a little luck, this is what I mean GRAN wt STAND LTH OF KENT Survivor winner and Kentucky Republican lawmaker Nick Wilson wants to legalize sexual relations with first cousins as one of his flagship legislative issues in the 2024 session, Newsweek reported. 2 7.6K 40 74
caroline @cxrolinerxse.21h ... looks like fucked up ham your.positive.corner @your_pos_comer. 21h Pink crepes 36 3.1K 111K del 2.7M
tweet davidson @andykreed 19h We're looking for a scrappy, dirty, FILTHY, little marketer to join our rockstar team 25 2K 177K 82
lex in tx @alexissTyler. 1d Stabler after 2 mins in the interview room with a pedo #SVU 46 3.6K 12K del 2.7M
louis @psychicsket 1d a public announcement that you have a fat bussy is wild Pop Base @PopBase 1d Buckingham Palace announces that King Charles will undergo surgery next week for an enlarged prostate. 181 19K 292K 11M
Dr Sean Travers @seanjetravers. 1d ... Waiting for everyone to stop talking so you can announce you're going home 105 116K 11K 3.5M
Frazier Tharpe II @The_SummerMan 18h I know Jacob Elordi has the industry' 's brightest legal goons working overtime to finagle him out of this FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates - 2 22h Sam Levinson is currently writing 'EUPHORIA' season 3. (Source: thewrap.com/hbo-casey-bloy...) 39 21K 895 1.2M
Polly Anna @JazzCochina 1d ... me and my husband discussing dinner options wh 15 897 16K 430K
i like food @messedupfoods.8h ... Donald 32 585 10.6K del 209K
skanks @skanks17.5h My unemployed friend called me and asked if I wanted to come over and play wii bowling at 8:31 AM. No job will ever be more satisfying than what he's got going on. 22 928 19.4K del 661K
VXZ @vxsjmz.1 18h ... kids don't care they'll be like why you then do a cartwheel so ugly? 89 6,178 52.6K del 1.1M


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