34 of the Funniest Reasons People Called 9-1-1

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34 of the Funniest Reasons People Called 9-1-1

The word “emergency” clearly means different things to different people, and this is most evident by the people who have gone to the ER for non-issues ranging from wet socks to a moldy sandwich. But sometimes, people call 9-1-1 because of a subjective emergency that there just isn’t a designated line for. Who do you call when there’s a lizard stuck in your computer? That particular situation seems above the Geek Squad’s paygrade. 

Degrees of severity aside, there are plenty of times a 9-1-1 dispatcher had to stifle their laughter when people phoned in. Quite frankly, some of these situations make 9-1-1 look like a straight-up documentary.

M3nsch3n 2y 112 Operator here.l had a woman who wanted to report herself dead. Like not in she wanted to commit suicide (DO NOT DO THAT! There is help and if you have these thoughts please talk to people or a doc about this!) but she was sure that she died. A somewhat normal middle aged woman and she called 112 (medics and fire, 110 is for cops) so we would get her a morgue. It was my strangest call ever to tell a person, who was very much alive talking to me, that in fact she was not dead.
Flaky_Tip . 2y Not an operator, but I heard a call once where a woman called 911 because there was a baby lizard in her computer. ... 1.4k
xocheerio . 2y Actual 911 operator here. So far the silliest was a guy who called, all concerned about the number of birds flying around because there was an air show nearby and he was worried the planes would hit the birds ... 4k
r/PLACE bravosarah . 2y When I was a Fire dispatcher, I had to send a Squad to remove a cock ring. So there's that. ... 7.8k
JaeCryme . 2y I was a medic in Salt Lake for several years. The funniest call I was ever dispatched to was to an Auto Zone for a penis injury on the battery aisle. I made the dispatcher repeat the details like three more times because... well... I wanted to hear her say it three times. ... 330
jajison . 2y I only worked dispatch for a few months and I got a call for a fish being stuck in a woman's ear. ... 1k
que_he_hecho . . 2y Woman called to report seeing a shark in the ocean. Yes, ma'am. That is where we keep them. ... 480
barrel-getya . . 2y My late aunt once called 911 because my uncle wouldn't change the fan that was blowing on her. Because it was a small community in NE Michigan, the police laughed and came out and changed the fan. ... 1.5k
veddie_babes123 . 2y Someone legit called me today to say some guy has a pet rock and he almost got hit by a car collecting his pet from the roadway I have so many everyday. ... 336
Dethmonger . 2y Lady called in because she thought Willie Nelson was having a cardiac arrest in her trailer, and she needed an ambulance. I started giving her CPR instructions, and come to find out when paramedics got there, she was doing compressions on the couch cushions. ... 2.8k
DharmaCub . 2y Not a dispatcher, but I did get dispatched by them. My favorite call was when my pager went off and I read aloud, Woman bit by camel. We were working in Malibu. ... 482
placeintheways 2y There are funny calls that come in all the time. I talked to a pizza delivery guy who couldn't reach his destination because a defiant chicken was standing in the middle of the road. I stayed with him on the phone as he pleaded with it to finally move along. Truly a chicken crossing the road moment. Another time I took a call where a guy insisted he was in an argument with a man dressed as a giant Pepsi bottle. Не said the man in the Pepsi suit had stolen his debit card and refused to give
reelin5 2y I used to be a 911 operator from 2014-2018. I was also responsible for training new hires on answering phones. One day, I get a medic call for a guy wanting an ambulance because he has hemorrhoids. I try to get more information from him like his name, phone number, and where he's located. I get all of that he starts screaming MY ASSHOLE, MY ASSHOLE. During his screams about his asshole, I turn to my trainee and blankly stare at her. That was about 6 years ago. We still joke about it to this day. ... 514
SpaceCadetBob . 2y (Pre-911, before addresses were automatically shown) A couple having sex knocked the phone off the night stand and they had the police on speed dial. I thought she was being choked out so I had the phone company track the address and sent the cavalry. When they pounded on the front door I heard the woman say Oh my God there are five cop cars outside! The guy went downstairs and she picked up the phone and said hello? I said hello, ma'am, this is the police. Are you ok? She said, I'm fine. We were uh... busy.
benzodiazaqueen 2y ER nurse here. I've had multiple, MULTIPLE patients call 911 from inside the ER for various reasons, slights, and deficiencies, imagined and real. Examples: 1. Gentleman calls 911 from a room in the ER to tell the dispatcher that the doctor didn't believe his story about how the bottle of shampoo ended up in his rectum. Не reported feeling, quote, Disrespected. 2. An elderly, very confused woman called the police to report that we'd removed her bobby pins, thus letting her hair down, in the course of preparing her for a CT scan of her head. Now her
domods 2y Not 911 but worked for animal control dispatch in a tourist town during my senior year in HS. Got a call from a lady that had called 911 previously and was told to call our number. Picked up the phone to what sounded like a whole car of very panicked people all yelling at once. After asking what was wrong several times I finally heard someone yell a deer! There's a deer in somebody's yard, yall gotta come pick it up! Thinking it was a dead deer/road kill I said an animal control officer would come pick up
ArmyOfDog 2y I was the caller. My deck had a couple unsafe spots. Normally I avoided them just fine, but on this night, it had snowed. I stepped outside for just a minute, because snow is very rare here. In doing so, I forgot about the unsafe spots. I stepped on one, and my leg dropped through. As I fell, the boards on either side of my leg bent, but then retracted. The hole was smaller than my knee now. I couldn't get out. My girlfriend got me a coat to sit on, because my butt was already starting to
theyoungreezy 2y Not an operator but one time I went to a local library to do work as my home was filled with loud guests. I'm there for a couple hours and I saw I had 25 mins left. So I packed all my stuff up and brought it to the bathroom so I could take a shit, not leave my stuff unattended and the immediately just leave. Y'all they locked me in. The librarians thought I left. The whole place was empty and dark. I walked right out the front door, which was locked, and triggered the alarm. Now
WatchTheBoom 2y A little kid called 911 because he wanted the cops to come arrest his brother. You see, their mom said that the caller's brother was supposed to share the legos, but he wasn't sharing. The caller's brother said that he was playing with all of the legos, which wasn't possible. There were too many legos for one person to play with all of them at once, argued our caller. Therefore, his brother was a liar, a jerk, and a turd and we needed to come and arrest him. We had a high degree of confidence that this wasn't
Mrliams 2y We occasionally have people call in, concerned that their local convenience store is locked and they can get in (well ma'am that just means the clerk is using the restroom. They've been gone over five minutes! Some things take longer than others.) We've had people wanting police because those a-hole McDonald's employees refused to sell them a whopper. My favorite though was the woman who was spelling out a name for us, using her own special brand of phonetics... D like Dinosaur o like Oh my god! N like Nuh Unh ... 206
VagabondPTA 2y I was a 911 dispatcher years ago but had two calls specific calls that still make me laugh. 1. a frazzled mother called cause her six year old had gotten into the roof and she couldn't get him down. She kept screaming about how we need to hurry...not because she was worried he would get hurt, but because he had done the before and last time he peed in the air vents. 2. this was before weed was legal in my state, but a college kid called asking for an ambulance. Не was super worried that he was
Yossarians_moan 2y I briefly worked as a 911 operator. When someone called on the non- emergency line we always answered the same way- Blank police and fire this is a recorded line, how can I help you? We get a call on that line, I answer as usual and a very inebriated sounding woman asks the following: Hypothetically speaking if my boyfriend had a few grams of cocaine and I called the police to tell them about it would either of us get into any trouble? Ma'am you're calling the police on a recorded line. I know, but what does
Razvee 2y Caller called because they got their head stuck in a cat tree. With the cat stuck inside with it. Throughout the call I kept hearing like ow, fuck and dude this isn't fun for me either dude, i know fuck! dude!... Caller ended up going to the hospital for a minor case of serious head lacerations. Ok I don't really know the severity but I'm sure they got some stitches. The other cool thing was that the caller was using an apple watch to call 911 because obviously they wouldn't be able to hold the phone to their
SooperDiz 2y My mom was a 911 operator in the SF Bay area in the 80s and 90s. I asked her to tell me a story to pass along, so here it is: I got a 911 call and I couldn't understand the caller. Не was slurring his words. I knew he was calling from a bar so I asked if he'd been drinking and after asking many times I asking, I was able to determine that he wanted the police, not an ambulance. Не wanted to file assault charges because a woman pulled his tongue. I asked, how was
RAnDomBandGirl . 2y I once called 911 because I cut my finger and wanted to talk to my mom, who was a dispatcher. I called crying asking to talk to her by name. She was more pissed at my dad for not waking up when I tried to go to him first haha. ... 23.7k
Tank_Girl_Gritty_235 . 2y I was the EMT who pulled the printout that just said Off duty PD call in. Man gave name 'God Jehovah Moped'. The man was surprisingly lucid and coherent. That's also not his legal name. I asked. The spirit gave it to him that morning and he was really excited to share it with everyone. ... 2.6k
FarmerExternal . 2y My dad used to be in charge of the 911 call center. One particular story I remember was in like 09 some guy called asking how much weed he could have in his car while driving through the state. They went back and forth for maybe 20 minutes of the guy repeating and rephrasing the question and my dad just responding none ... 9.6k
damnit_jen . 2y at a long term care facility I worked at One of our residents called 911 with the phone in her room because she didnt get ketchup with her lunch. Not kidding. The sherrifs office called back to let the nurses know what she'd done while I was standing right there. I've never laughed so hard at work. ... 1.3k
zipitbitchurdeadtome . 2y I was a relay operator for the deaf, hard of hearing, and speech disabled. Was instructed to call 9-1-1 because a guy left his cardigan at the doctor's office. (Fair play to him; the doctor's answering machine outgoing message, which I faithfully relayed to him, did indeed say if this is an emegency, dial 9-1-1.) ... 352
Canoe52 2y My kid worked for animal control, we are eating dinner and 911 dispatch calls him. Some panicked lady had called 911 about an owl in a tree that couldn't fly. It had been sitting in the tree for a half hour not moving. Of course it was just before dusk and the owl was just waiting for dark so it could go hunt for dinner. Then there was the call about the one legged duck at the park... Edit to add: he actually went to the park to make sure the duck wasn't injured but realized after 15
thinking-of-a-place . . 2y I had a sweet sounding older lady call because people were setting off fireworks and she was concerned the wildlife would get scared and get hit by a vehicle. When I told her that the fire department was being sent to check it out she got furious, saying she doesn't want the fire department, that it was a waste of tax payers dollars, and that she would never call again. ... 428
Sho0terman 2y A guy called in because his dog had bitten a seagull and was now acting strange. Не demanded we find the bird, capture it, and test it for rabies. The whole circumstances were vague and he was unwilling to listen to reasonable advice (like that birds can't carry rabies). Не had the audacity to file a complaint when informed we would not be doing what he wanted. ... 2.5k
nlderek . 2y A guy calls from a payphone to complain that he has a pipe wrench stuck up his butt and he needed an ambulance. Не gave his location as the corner where the payphone was located. I asked him if he could tell me his appearance so I could be sure the medics could find him. His response, look dude, I'll be the only guy on the corner with a pipe wrench in his butt. I couldn't argue with that... ... 8.8k
giga_impact03 . 2y My department dispatches our area's animal control after hours. Once received a call from a guy freaking out because he caught a possum in his house. I asked him which room he was able to confine the animal and he didn't tell me which room, but said he trapped it in a microwave. I had many questions.
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