John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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29 of the Funniest Tweets from October 31, 2023

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29 of the Funniest Tweets from October 31, 2023

Boo! It’s Halloween, the day for all things thrills and frights. Speaking of frights, Five Nights at Freddy’s, the highly-anticipated video-game adaptation, scared up some serious box-office chills last weekend, slaughtering the competition with a $132 million global take. The film, which expands upon the lore based on the found-footage video game, follows a troubled, sleep-deprived security guard who finds himself up against killer animatronics at a Chuck E. Cheese-style restaurant. After successfully making back its $20 million budget from Thursday previews alone, the success of the film will likely spur a new horror franchise, meaning that the Henson Company-designed killers will probably be gracing our screens again next Halloween, too.

Over on Fox’s Animation Domination, The Simpsons is gearing up for its annual Treehouse of Horror episode. One of Sunday’s segments will tackle the scariest thing in technology the last couple of years: NFTs. After Bart gets turned into an NFT, Marge is forced to travel into the crypto universe in order to save her son. But she’ll be up against the illuminati of the blockchain, including the likes of Jimmy Fallon, Rob Gronkowski and Kylie Jenner. The episode’s other segment pays homage to one of the greatest horror films of all time, The Silence of the Lambs, and sees Kelsey Grammer’s return as Sideshow Bob, who teams up with Lisa to track down a serial killer haunting Springfield.

Meanwhile, on the timeline, we’ve got a healthy dose of scary good laughs. Today’s funny tweets include those about the grueling toll of doing even just a single chore, a practical pitch for Inside Out 2 and one very cold ball.

katie @skatie420.2h ... my dad was helping me with linear algebra once and he said you can use anything for a vector space. you can make a vector space with cows as long as you define what a 'negative cow' would be then i started crying cause that made it worse Zev @maxxnautica• 14h what's dad math? 35 430 8,392 310K

biscuit halifax 19h @ jerry icy Follow @dangerousneil ppl keep talking about how it's supposed to rain and i said i heard it's never going to rain again & someone # asked me what my problem was 5 924 10.9K 247K

i'm nice on here @littleerik.22h ... ladies,, helo Jane and Jane liked your reply 27 555 11.6K 195K

ivy @ivyluvx 15h ... bestie: send me that picture we took last night, we probably look so good! the picture: 97 4,294 47.4K 1.7M

uhh @notyulie.2 21h when i pull up to mcdonald's before 10:30 am 256 15.7K 95.2K 3.6M

biscuit @ halifax 22h turnipwizard Follow i love thermodynamics because its like no.... my toaster waffle did not get cold... it simply tried to warm this big cold world all by its little self... her heat was given... and she asked for NOTHING in return...; 11 1,712 13.7K 233K

annika @femaleweezerfan 19h ... type shit i've been on as of late all reaction videos @allrea... 1d Half deflated Hello Kitty balloon floating across the ground cg 0:07 11 5,140 38.1K 1.9M

gallowdance @_ halsey 14h r/ambien u/KingOrgnum 8d + I love yoshi so much Yoshi did so much for everbody!! Не saved them ALL when they were babies. He's the greatest friendANYONE could have? I love him........ 77 3 Share 8 354 2.9K 99K

trish @ULTRAGLOSS. 3h on a roll recognizing halloween costumes from different movies left and right this year cinephile... 4 513 7.7K 196K

Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur·21h This is behind a paywall. October 30, 2023 First there was LOL (laugh out loud). Then came ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing). Now, there's a new term: IJBOL. Getty Images 60 77 2.5K 131K

harls S duda @jackietaylorsgf 18h where's homosexual tendencies and autism Cosmic Daily Cosmic Marvel @cosmic_marvel 1d 'INSIDE OUT 2' will reportedly feature Anxiety, Embarrassment, Ennui and Envy as the new emotions in Riley's head. Bill Hader (Fear) and Mindy Kaling (Disgust) will reportedly not return due to contractual issues. (via @CanWeGetToast) 6 533 8.5K 268K

7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000-23h ... how I look at my GF after I unload the dishwasher all by myself 6 191 4.1K 173K

bobby @bobby 4h ... in the doghouse because i said my daughter's christening gown is gonna make her look like baron harkonnen 12 162 5.1K del 173K

Jared @Name3309. 1d After Hours (1985, Scorsese) MY DICK HAS LEAD ME TO PLACES I WOULDN'T EVEN GO WITH A GUN 9 826 8.5K 310K

casey @kc4congress. 1d ... it's cold as FUCK outside IN EMERGENCY PUSH TO OPEN AUTOMATIC DOOR 92 15.4K 170K 3.1M

the haunted marisatomay farm @jailedamanda. 1d ... This is as low as a critic can go without being put into witness protection ALBUMS 1989 (Taylor's Version) Taylor Swift 2023 1989 7.7 By Shaad D'Souza 31 803 20.6K 774K

flamin nora @katierpacker 1d ... good mental health leaving my body now it's getting dark at 5pm 12 4.2K 31.4K del 1M

spooky sarah @sablaah 21h ... ugh. boss just asked if I could put in a few extra hours in the lab tonight. we're on a crazy deadline and someone's gotta make sure the monster stays on the slab the monster's not going anywhere! he's literally chained to the slab!!! this sucks. 16 919 11.4K 408K

milk @stupiddog700.22h ... my client cancelled last minute so my roommate tattooed this pony on me and his legs get really long when i bend my elbow towards ger ards yo 31 343 11.6K del 245K

Rob @thegallowboob 21h ... This owl stole a kid's stick-horse toy and has been riding it around town in true Halloween spirit 137 5,350 54.4K 2.9M

bobby @bobby 14h being hungry and then realizing there's Good Leftovers in the fridge. wow. just an absolutely incredible feeling every time. i just remembered a tupperware full of baked ziti and did a tiger woods fist pump. 25 559 13.9K 388K

morningstar @jupitersembr... 18h ... You strong as shit. There's a couple people I need you to handle actually NiyahDaDon @NiyahDaDo... 1d Ima get my moneys worth. - IP OIL 1) HOW THAT 2) HOW CON 12 3,035 35.9K 849K

bri @ufobri 1 1 19h got my period on hallows eve oh they definitely would've burned my ass in the 1600s 37 1,862 21.6K 460K

Keara Sullivan @superkeara 17h With friendships I have what I like to call outdoor cat attachment style. Some weeks u will see me a ton and other weeks u will not know if I'm dead or alive but don't worry I still love u I will not forget u 42 8,938 43.3K del 1.2M

RIP Julie Chen's new Bob #BB... 2d ... I hate gay Halloween parties, what do you mean you're Renee Rapp's Sweetgreen campaign 1/4 sweetgreen sweetgreen 11 238 8,550 237K

2000s @PopCulture2000s : 1d ... that time beyoncé went as toni braxton for halloween and kris jenner thought she went as her E Kris Jenner @KrisJenner Thank you @Beyonce!!! love it 204 5,652 85.4K 3.5M

ус @yc . 6h ... Two happiest days of a NBA fan's life are when their team trades for James Harden, and when their team trades away James Harden 76 2,634 25K 1.1M

no context memes @weirdd... 6h ... Newport HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Please only take 1 cig per kid Or just light one up, take a drag, and put it back Please don't steal the lighter TEXAS and 174 7,221 68.7K 2.6M

KEN @CHURCHBOYYKEN.2 23h ... WHEN НЕ SHAG ME GOOD I TAKE HIS ARSE FOR BEANS N TOAST Dua Lipa Charts @ChartsD... . 1d Forbes describes @DUALIPA's new album as the British Lemonade. glc P LEMONADE P iN 141 5,029 49.5K the 2.9M
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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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