15 Jokes from the ’80s That Thankfully Hold Up

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15 Jokes from the ’80s That Thankfully Hold Up

Man, comedy in the 1980s sure was something. With a bit of hindsight, it’s clear that all the nerds were actually serial assaulters, the heroes were actually villains and Gallagher could easily win the Republican presidential nomination if he didn’t die two years ago. 

That said, there are a few timeless gems that the coke-fueled misogynists in charge of popular culture at the time let slip through the cracks. Here are a few of the best jokes that still hold up today, comedically and culturally…

‘The Golden Girls’ Is Full of Quips That Would Go Viral on Twitter Today

Rose: Where are you going?
Dorothy: To get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.

Rita Rudner Must Love Those Inane Essays That Preface Every Food Blog Recipe

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’”

‘The Simpsons’ Took a Potshot at Santa Claus in the First and Only Episode to Air in the 1980s

Bart: There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents, and his name ain’t Santa.

It’s a Bummer That This Elayne Boosler Joke Continues to Skewer Modern Masculinity

“Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before.”

Replace ‘Cocaine’ in This Sam Kinison Quote with ‘Vaping’ or ‘Ketamine’ or Whatever Gen Z Is Currently Pretending Isn’t a Recreational Drug

“There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail or else you run out.”

‘Cheers’ Continues to Let Us Laugh to Keep Us from Crying

Norm: Bars can be very sad places. Some people spend their whole lives in a bar. Just yesterday, some guy sat right here next to me for 11 hours.

Mental Health Influencers on TikTok Would Be Scrambling to Diagnose Judy Tenuta with Half of the DSM-5 Based on This Quote Alone

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.’”

Emo Philips Knew the Remedy to A.I.

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.”

Brett Butler with This Timeless Roast

“I was married to a subliterate, terra-cotta-toothed imbecile with violent tendencies — a brainless amoeba on the booger farm of the bayou.”

The Babies That Paul Reiser Roasted Are Now Old Enough to Roast Babies of Their Own

“Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that’s half angel and half lost tourist.”

Rodney Dangerfield Found a Great Way to Call Himself a Piece of Shit That Wouldn’t Get Demonetized for Profanity on Modern Social Media Sites

“When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.”

Victoria Wood Would Have Loved Those TikToks That Have a Mobile Game Playthrough Running in the Bottom Half of the Screen

“People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.”

Sephora Tweens Should Feel Free to Use This Banger from Carol Leifer

“I’m wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it’s called ‘Tester.’”

Robin Williams with This Reasonably PG Joke from the Height of His Coke Days

“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so — look at the platypus.”

That Leather Suit in ‘Eddie Murphy: Delirious’

It must have been a joke, and it would thrill any Gen Z-er who found it in a thrift store. Someone even made (tongue-in-cheek) compilation of the best leather squeaks from the special.

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