30 Unbelievable News Stories That’ll Make You Do That Squeaky Eye-Rub Thing

Man, we wish we could accurately type out that squeaky sound

There’s no way these are real, right? They just have to be Onion articles. As far as we can tell, they really went down, but you might want to check for yourself afterwards. There’s a lot of deepfaking going on lately, which makes these supposedly true news stories seem crazy enough to doubt.

We trust our Cracked journalists, so as of right now, we’re still believers in the unbelievable.

The Woman With the World’s Longest Nails

The Cannabis Ambulance

The Stolen Patrol Car

The Woman Who Shot Up A Burger King Drive-Thru

Baby With Three Penises

Kicking Out The Guests

A Lizard in the 7-Eleven

Sued for A Merch Mistake

The Lawnmower Police Chase

Calling 9-1-1 Because of Dog Poop

Death by Butt Injection

Ruining A Painting

Quickest Bees in the West

The Florida Woman Who Hit Two Innocent People While Trying to Run Over Someone Else

The Hillbilly Ambulance

A True Cat Burglar

The Guy Who Went to the Police Station to Get His Wallet Filled With Drugs

Allergic to Sweat

Driving to Court in a Stolen Car

A School’s Mullet Ban

Post-Mortem Debt

Horse in the Gas Station

The Pilot’s Hot Mic

A $370,000 Rock-Paper-Scissors Debt

Fighting Extinction With Toad Sperm

Chipotle

Canada Banned Assault Weapons

Saudi Arabia Ended Flogging

A.I. Can’t Be An Inventor

Re-Discovering Extinct Apples