23 Stories People Can’t Wait to Tell They’re Kids When They’re Older

Among the best things about a child getting older is finally having the chance to tell them about your days as a degenerate youth. 

For instance, one Redditor is itching to tell his kid about his days as a petty thief. One time, he managed to swipe two signed MLB rookie cards with nothing but a plunger head that he used to suction open the glass case they were sitting in. Another time, he stole a football by deflating it with a pump he found in the store. Then, for good measure, he stole the pump too. 

Hopefully, this penchant for impressive theft tactics is hereditary, and his child will feel the exhilaration of stealing before reaching adulthood, too. 

Other Redditors have shared the not-so-savory stories they hope their kids will learn when they become adults, including those about getting banned from the Vatican, backyard tractor jousting and a near-death balloon incident.