12 Middle-Aged Men Try to Remember Their Dreams

“I wanted to be an astronaut. Sometimes, at night, I still look up at the stars and think to myself, ‘STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!’”

“I… wanted to play in the NFL, I think. It’s hard to remember because of the concussions I got in college playing… that game with the brown egg.”

“I wanted to be a doctor. Then I found out my ears are too small for a stethoscope — from a doctor, which hurt twice as much.”

“I wanted to be an artist until I saw the work of Leonardo Da Vinci. He’d already drawn all the stuff I wanted to draw.”

“I thought I’d be an engineer, because as a kid, I loved taking things apart and putting them back together. It turns out that if they don’t work when you put them back together, no one’s impressed.”

“I dreamed of being a famous composer. Now, I’m only a mediocre composer, and it’s devastating.”

“It sure as hell didn’t involve emails.”

“I wanted to be a vampire. I even found another vampire to bite me. It turned out that guy wasn’t a vampire, and vampires aren’t supposed to have an erection.”

“I wanted to own a vest, and baby, you’re looking at it.”

“My whole life, I wanted to have severe chest pain. Guess I can’t even do that right!"

“I was hoping to grow sick devil horns. At one point, I thought they were coming in, but it turns out I was just balding and hit my head getting into the car.”

“My dream was to someday be a middle-aged man. Then I learned about my condition.”