12 Squirrels and Why They’re Trying to Throw Themselves in Front of Your Car

“I’m not trying to end it, I’m just trying to commit insurance fraud.”

“There’s a donut on the passenger seat, I just have to time it right.”

“What makes you so sure your car wins this fight?”

“They have my son.”

“Heard that the world’s running out of acorns.”

“I owe FanDuel 45,000 human dollars.”

“I hear the hellhounds baying at my door every night, reminding me the terms of the deal I made 20 years ago.”

“A squirrel hitman is after me, and a car is a blessing compared to him.”

“I believe in reincarnation, and I fucking hate being a squirrel.”

“Я хочу быть мертвым. Вот так просто.”

“A Hollywood Reporter article is about to drop that paints me in a less than positive light.”

“Why not?”