12 Elves and the Worst Workshop Accident They’ve Seen

“Got caught in the machine we use to print the wrapping paper. Didn’t even get a toy out of it, and no usable paper, either.”

“Those things are under a lot of tension. One flew off straight through the eye of the guy putting it together.”

“When CDs and DVDs got big? It took us a while to crack that. Lotta blind elves they had to move over to the Rubik’s Cubes.”

“And our hammers squeak, so that just kind of made the whole thing grosser.”

“Those guys go home coughing up glowing clouds. Let’s just say it’s a department with high turnover and low demand.”

“My dad told me never to make scary faces at the reindeer. Then, he showed me why.”

“Nasty stuff. Turned into a sort of Phineas Gage situation — if Phineas Gage’s personality hadn’t changed and he’d just died.”

“Kids want puppies, and Santa’s kind of a ‘no vaccines’ guy."

“God, one year, for whatever reason, chemistry sets were super big. We’ve got, like, two elves that are qualified to do that sort of stuff. Saw a lot of skin slough off in the workshop that holiday season.”

“It’s turning my leg ligaments into a volleyball net!"

“Everyone assumes he tripped because he had extra-long shoes on. And if that’s what they believe, why should I correct them?”

“He does one or two a year, just to keep us in line. Not sure if that’s a ‘workplace accident,’ but it definitely happened where we could all see it. That was the whole point.”