12 Unconventional Burglar Deterrents
Crime! The most terrifying of all elements of civilization! Something that many people take great lengths to avoid. Nevertheless, burglars still manage to make off with hardworking citizens’ goods here and there. Maybe because they’re already prepared for the usual deterrents, with strategies and skills to defeat them.
So, if you really want to keep all your stuff, you should think outside the box, and go with one of the following safeguards instead.
Cover Your Floor in Marbles
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It’s obviously inconvenient for you, too, but over time, your feet will callus and your sense of balance will become incredible. Burglars-to-be, on the other hand, will quickly take a spill or two before moving to a home without a sphere-covered floor.
Mannequins Everywhere
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In the same way that, in the animal world’s hierarchy, wolves might scare off smaller creatures, so can you project the presence of a more unsavory criminal. They enter your house to commit a burglary, but suddenly, they’re wondering whether they’re getting their DNA all over some much more concerning crime scene.
Huge Boots Next to the Door
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Or, rely on physical intimidation, whether you’re home and actually large or not. Leave a pair of massive boots by the doorway — I’m talking upper double digit sizes — and any burglar will think twice about invoking the ire of what seems to be some sort of modern giant.
Sheep's Blood All Over Your Door
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It worked for the Egyptians in the Book of Exodus, and now it can work for you! Any burglar seeing a door covered in blood is going to assume that house is all crimed out already.
A Crocodile
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Sure, a guard dog is good, but that’s something a veteran criminal might have mentally prepared themselves for. A crocodile standing in the middle of your foyer? That’s a variable not worth testing in pursuit of silverware.
Live on Top of A Really Big Hill
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Why would anyone want to rob some house that’s a mile’s hike from their getaway car when they could ransack ground-level homes?
Dress Like A Burglar Yourself
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Make your home wardrobe that of a burglar. That way, in the event of a home invasion, they’ll think they’ve been beaten to the punch, and you can invoke the Thieves’ Code to make them leave.
Make Your Whole House Stinky
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No pawn shop or fence is giving a good price on stuff that smells like shit!
Go Full Santa Mode
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Robbers can’t break down your door or climb through a window if you don’t have any doors or windows! But how do you get in and out? In the manner of Old St. Nick, of course — through your chimney.
Have A Mummy
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The presence of a mummy implies the presence of a curse to intruders.
Put Your Stuff on Mysterious Looking Pedestals
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Indiana Jones has educated us all that removing an item from a mysterious pedestal is a recipe for disaster. For extra security, hang a huge stone ball over it. It doesn’t need to be able to drop, just seem like it could.
Moat
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Simple. Elegant. Classic. Good enough for kings, good enough for you.