12 Trivia Tidbits for Thursday, June 13, 2024
Anti-Aging Freaks Want to Set Up Lawless ‘Longevity States’
Billionaires who are obsessed with ingesting their teenage sons’ blood to make their ball sacks smoother have decided that pesky Hippocratic oath is getting in the way of their self-experimentation. They want to establish Rhode Island as a sovereign state out of reach of the FDA’s greedy little tentacles.
Prone to Kidney Stones? Stay Out of Space
As more civilians have begun traveling to space, scientists have been able to collect more data about how zero gravity and high radiation affect the average human body. Most people show immediate signs of aging, but seem to revert back to normal within a couple of months. One specific downside: Space travel seems to lead to more kidney stones.
The World’s Tallest Bicycle
Two French dudes just broke a world record by riding a 25-foot, 5-inch bicycle, which took them five years to build.
Wyoming’s A.I. Mayor
A man named Victor Miller made an A.I. bot he calls Virtual Integrated Citizen (VIC), and promises the Chat-GPT-based abomination will call the shots if he’s elected mayor of Cheyenne.
Someone Was Rescued by Spelling ‘HELP’ on the Beach With Rocks
A California windsurfer got stranded on a remote, cliffside beach, and turned to the Looney Tunes playbook for help. They spelled out “HELP” in rocks, which caught the eye of a private helicopter, who called 911.
The Chiquita Banana Lady Has Blood on Her Hands
The fruit company has been ordered to pay $38.3 million to the families of those killed by the United Self-Defense Forces of Colombia. They had provided $1.7 million to the terrorist group, which, if my math serves, is a pretty dismal investment.
New Zealand’s Tree of the Year Is a Freaking Ent
New Zealand’s coveted Tree of the Year has been awarded to a northern rātā with twin trunks that make it appear to be walking.
North Dakota Thinks Bong Water Is a Controlled Substance
North Dakota has let up on its war on drugs in recent years, decriminalizing some drug paraphernalia, even if drug residue is present. But it still considers bong water to be a drug in and of itself, and one woman may be facing 30 years in prison for having some in her car.
Viking Women Were Into Skull Elongation
New evidence suggests that Vikings were more into body modification than we thought. Specifically, Viking women seem to have been morphing their skulls to be more football-shaped.
Joey Chestnut’s Going Vegan
Nathan’s banned Joey Chestnut from the annual hot dog eating contest that he absolutely dominates every year. He’s broken their apparently unspoken “hot dog exclusivity provisions” by endorsing Impossible Foods’ meatless hot dogs. They didn’t even give the guy a call; he heard about his own ban through the news.
A Famous Singer Was Declared Insane for Claiming He Was a Famous Singer
Alexander Morris is a member of the vocal quartet Four Tops. He went to the hospital with symptoms of a heart attack, but when he mentioned he was a member of the group, doctors deemed him mentally ill.
Prenups for Pet Owners
What’s the best way to deal with co-owned pets during a breakup? A pet website put together a checklist, which they should go to jail for calling a “PrePup,” to make sure animals are cared for without resorting to legal property agreements that are usually part of a divorce settlement.