15 Hilarious Quips From Dignified Historical Figures
If you’re the President of the United States, you can’t be a powerful sociopath and a goofy li’l prankster. Pick a lane!
“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”
An accidental banger from George W. Bush.
“We are in the chamber pot and are about to be shat upon”
French General Auguste-Alexandre Ducrot, when his boss was wounded at the Battle of Sedan, and he took command of a clearly doomed army.
“I’m never less at leisure than when at leisure, or less alone than when alone”
Roman general Scipio Africanus the Elder got all antsy in his pantsies when left to his own devices.
“I go no further. Approach, veteran soldier, and, if you can at least do so much properly, sever this neck”
Cicero’s last words were both condescending and hard as hell.
“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher”
I bet Mrs. Socrates didn’t appreciate this one.
“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process”
JFK lashing out at the nation’s moms, who have had it too good for too long.
“I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months, you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months, you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here”
Harry Truman got over his imposter syndrome pretty quickly.
“Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening”
Bill Clinton ran the country like everyone was already dead. Got it.
“Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil, and you’re a thousand miles from the corn field”
Dwight D. Eisenhower on backseat farmers.
“Blessed are the young, for they will inherit the national debt”
Herbert Hoover nailed it.
“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason”
Nineteenth century Portuguese writer José Maria de Eça de Queiroz had the best argument for age limits and term limits.
“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you’re born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public”
Twentieth century actor George Jessel knew a thing or two about public speaking.
“The presidency has many problems, but boredom is the least of them”
Richard Nixon’s got 99 problems, but ennui ain’t one.
“Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first”
So that’s why Ronald Reagan’s presidency was completely transactional and he was faking it the whole time.
“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!”
An anonymous graffiti artist in Pompeii says goodbye to his girlfriends.