14 Historical Figures With a Great Sense of Humor
Comedy has been around since at least 1400 A.D., when the first person farted in public. It’s come a long way since then. Here are a few milestones along the way…
Abe Lincoln Dunked on a Talkative Opponent
“He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.”
A Personal Roast from Martin Luther
“Dear Devil, I have shit in my pants and breeches; hang them on your neck and wipe your mouth with them.”
Eleanor Roosevelt Went on an Official Visit to a Penitentiary, Prompting FDR to Ask Where His Wife Had Gone
Presidential Aid: She’s in prison, Mr. President.
FDR: I’m not surprised, but what for?
Mozart’s Taunting Canon in B-Flat Minor
He wrote a piece for six vocalists titled “Leck Mich Im Arsch,” which translates loosely to “kiss my butt.”
Winston Churchill Trying to Pick Up an American Hostess
When he ordered “breast meat,” the hostess responded that one “asks for white meat or dark meat.” The little freak later sent her a flower and a note: “I would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat.”
Teddy Roosevelt Had Some Major Roasting Chops
He was heard referring to his enemies as “copper-riveted idiots” and “circumcised skunks.”
FDR’s Practical Joke
When a 10-year-old Franklin Delano Roosevelt was left under the care of a nanny, he dumped some effervescent powder into her chamberpot one night. Meaning: when she got up to pee in the middle of the night, it started snap-crackle-popping underneath her.
Calvin Coolidge on Why He threw in the Towel on Re-election
Reporter: Why don’t you want to be President anymore?
Coolidge: There’s no chance for advancement.
Stalin Liked to Make His Own Little ‘New Yorker’ Cartoons
He marked up the margins of some notes and artwork he owned. In one, a man’s back is turned from the viewer while he’s evidently crankin’ it, with the words “You need to work, not wank. Time for re-education.”
Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill Had It Out
Astor: If I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee!
Churchill: And if I were your husband I would drink it.
Mae West Knew How to Have a Good Time
The actress and singer once said: “Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
Oscar Wilde Delivering Some Pretty Brutal Condolences
“To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
Reagan Is a Chode and This Joke Is Pretty Lame, But We Feel Good About Exploiting a Major Piece of Shit for Content
Reagan said Jimmy Carter wanted to go on 60 Minutes to tout his accomplishments, but “that would have left 59 minutes to fill.” Just pretend a better president made the same joke about a worse president and move on.
P.G. Wodehouse Coining a Pretty Nasty-Sounding Diss
“If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”