15 Rodney Dangerfield Jokes That Deserve More Respect
Rodney Dangerfield had one tragic life, if his classic one-liners are to be believed. He’s had some pretty bogus interactions with everyone from his wife, to his own father, to the doctor who delivered him. Here’s hoping he got some respect in the afterlife. RIP king.
It Probably Wasn’t Postpartum Depression
“My mother had morning sickness — after I was born.”
Something Tells Me This Guy Didn’t Get Along with His Wife
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”
On His Active Sex Life
“If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.”
On Charitable Donations
“I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless.”
You’re Actually Not Allowed to Do This in New Jersey
“I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.”
On Keeping the Spark Alive
“One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.”
On Maintaining Relationships as an Adult
“A hooker once told me she had a headache.”
Uh Oh, His Dad Wasn’t Such a Cool Cat Either
“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, ‘Wait til it gets warmer.’”
On Attempted Infidelity
“A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.”
On Watching His Health
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.”
There Goes That Wife of His Again
“Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.”
What Could This Doctor Have Possibly Had Against That Ugly Little Cherub
“When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, ‘I’m very sorry. We did everything we could… but he pulled through.’”
He Sure Knew How to Pick ‘Em
“My wife isn’t very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, ‘Did you see the guy that did it?’ She said, ‘No, but I got the license plate.’”
On Uncomfortable Family Reunions
“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west.”
Your Wife Was Almost Definitely Cheating on You My Man
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!”