15 Brutal Roasts From Movies and TV Shows to Add to Your Repertoire
Coming up with your own insults is hard! Why not just memorize some high-quality roasts from paid professionals, and just hope your enemies have never seen the 1984 film Rhinestone?
‘Cool Runnings’ Roasts Alpha Males
“You are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing, big, bald bubblehead that can only count to 10 if he’s barefoot or wearing sandals.”
‘Coming to America’ Provides the Perfect Challenge, Should You Meet Your Nemesis on the Street
“Now, let’s see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon’s balls.”
‘The Hangover’ Proves You Can Burst the Bubble of Any Good Roast with a Little Gratitude
Stu: You are literally too stupid to insult.
Alan: Thank you.
We’ve Been on the Lookout for a Misstep Like This Since Shooter McGavin Made This Blunder in1996
Shooter: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Shooter: No!
The 1984 Dolly Parton/Sylvester Stallone Vehicle ‘Rhinestone’ Remains Unbeaten
“You can always tell when Barnett’s been over to my house: the toilet ain’t never flushed and the cat’s pregnant.”
See If Your Greatest Foe Can Withstand This Tidal Wave of 1980s Gibberish from ‘The Breakfast Club’
“Face it. You’re a neo-maxie-zoom-dweebie.”
If You’re Feuding with a High Schooler, First of All, Stop. If That’s Not an Option, Hit ‘em with This Zinger from ‘She’s All That’
“You’re vapor. You’re spam. A waste of perfectly good yearbook space.”
If They’re Still Standing, Try This One from ‘Clueless’
“Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”
If You Need to Roast an Immortal Scottsman, This Sean Connery Quote from ‘Highlander’ Will Do the Trick
“You have the manners of a goat. And you smell like a dungheap.”
This Takedown from ‘Biloxi Blues’ Is Perfect for the Serviceman or the Corporate Drone in Your Life
“You would need three promotions to get to be an asshole.”
‘Anchorman’ Is Brutal
“Hey! Where did you get those clothes, at the... toilet store?”
‘Coming to America’ with Another Insult That Somehow Cuts Deeper Than Profanity Ever Could
“Freeze, you diseased rhinoceros piddle!”
‘Home Alone’ Provided This Gem in Its In-Movie Movie, ‘Angels with Filthy Souls’
“I’m gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property.”
This Archaic Insult from 1939’s ‘You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man’
Mr. Archibald Bel-Goodie: You Pharisee. You pecksniff. You egregious tartuffle!
Whipsnade: Tartuffle? Is that good or bad?
Mr. Archibald Bel-Goodie: You’re a fraud, a charlatan and a rogue, sir!
This Barrage of Banter from ‘Hook’
Rufio: Mung-tongue!
Peter: Math tutor.
Rufio: Pinhead!
Peter: Prison barber.
Rufio: Mother lover!
Peter: Near-sighted gynecologist.
Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig!
Peter: You lewd crude bag of pre-chewed food dude!